I've Seen This Face Before

(Originally Posted December 31, 2007)
As I sit here at my computer, my aunt is on her deathbed. Due to strong medications, she may not technically be “suffering” pain, but she is, without a doubt, suffering. A few days ago, we sat her up at the edge of the bed. It took three people to do so. She is just like a baby, where her head needs to be cradled, her back propped up, her legs moved by another’s strength. She could only take tiny sips of water, as swallowing is increasingly difficult. She is a skeleton of her former self. As she awaited her next sip, her head slunked forward. When she looked up again, her eyes were watery. I asked, “Are you crying?” She nodded yes. Perhaps she saw herself in the large mirrored cabinet doors. Maybe she couldn’t believe it had come to this. I can’t really know for sure what caused the tears because she’s beyond the point where she can talk.

Last week when I saw her, and she had a bit more speaking ability, she kept repeating, “I don’t know how Lucy did it.” Lucy, her sister (and my mother), also was quite weak at the end, spending her last days also in a morphine-induced haze. I told her, “You know, I”m here, and I love you, but in a sense, you are going through this alone, because no one else can possibly understand what you’re experiencing right now." She nodded. I hope she found some comfort in the fact that her sister had walked this road before her, and so, in a way, someone DID understand.

Several times, she has indicated that, “I’m going to die today” or “I’m going to die tomorrow.” When my sister Donna and I told her on Saturday we had to leave that day, she repeated it again. We talked with her a bit, and then she seemed to be distressed. She closed her eyes, and her brow got very furrowed, and her head seemed to vibrate a little. It seeemed as though she was trying with all her might to make herself die. It didn’t work.

Well, here we are Monday morning, and it’s New Year’s Eve. I haven’t made a call up this morning to my uncle, but my guess is she’s still here with us. It has been an inestimably privilege to walk alongside her at this time, for I believe that through suffering, one can find treasures of wisdom and insight to be mined, and, most of all, God himself is most present. We often don’t see it at the time, but afterwards, the picture becomes more clear.

Our model, our rallying point, is a wooden cross upon which the bloody, broken God-man suffered and died for "the joy set before Him." We must look soberly to the cross of Christ without fear and see that it is only through taking up our own crosses that we reach our final hope, which is eternal life and happiness in the presence of the Triune God, all the angels and archangels, and every one of his children, the saints.

Colossians 1:24 - "Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church."

One of my favorite pithy authors is Mark Shea. He wrote this essay on suffering, which I found very insightful.

Litany for the Poor Souls in Purgatory

O Jesus, Thou suffered and died that all mankind might be saved and brought to eternal happiness. Hear our pleas for further mercy on the souls of:

My dear parents and grandparents, | My Jesus Mercy
My brothers and sisters and other near relatives, | My Jesus Mercy
My godparents and sponsors of Confirmation, | My Jesus Mercy
My spiritual and temporal benefactors, | My Jesus Mercy
My friends and neighbors, | My Jesus Mercy
All for whom love or duty bids me pray, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who have suffered disadvantage or harm through me, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who have offended me, | My Jesus Mercy
Those whose release is near at hand, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who desire most to be united to Thee, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who endure the greatest sufferings, | My Jesus Mercy
Those whose release is most remote, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who are least remembered | My Jesus Mercy
Those who are most deserving on account of their services to the Church, | My Jesus Mercy
The rich, who are now the most destitute, | My Jesus Mercy
The mighty, who are now powerless, | My Jesus Mercy
The once spiritually blind, who now see their folly | My Jesus Mercy
The frivolous, who spent their time in idleness, | My Jesus Mercy
The poor who did not seek the treasures of heaven, | My Jesus Mercy
The tepid who devoted little time to prayer, | My Jesus Mercy
The indolent who neglected to perform good works, | My Jesus Mercy
Those of little faith, who neglected the frequent reception of the Sacraments, | My Jesus Mercy
The habitual sinners, who owe their salvation to a miracle of grace, | My Jesus Mercy
Parents who failed to watch over their children, | My Jesus Mercy
Superiors who were not solicitous for the salvation of those entrusted to them, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who strove for worldly riches and pleasures, | My Jesus Mercy
The worldly minded, who failed to use their wealth and talent for the service of God, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who witnessed the death of others, but would not think of their own, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who did not provide for the life hereafter, | My Jesus Mercy
Those whose sentence is severe because of the great things entrusted to them, | My Jesus Mercy
The popes, kings, and rulers, | My Jesus Mercy
The bishops and their counselors, | My Jesus Mercy
My teachers and spiritual advisors, | My Jesus Mercy
The priests and religious of the Catholic Church, | My Jesus Mercy
The defenders of the Holy Faith, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who died on the battlefield, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who fought for their country, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who were buried in the sea, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who died of apoplexy, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who died of heart attacks, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who suffered and died of cancer, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who died suddenly in accidents, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who died without the last rites of the Church, | My Jesus Mercy
Those who shall die within the next twenty-four hours, | My Jesus Mercy
My own poor soul when I shall have to appear before Thy judgment seat, | My Jesus Mercy

PRAYER

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them: For evermore with Thy Saints, because Thou art gracious.
May the prayer of Thy suppliant people, we beseech Thee, O Lord, benefit the souls of Thy departed servants and handmaids: that Thou mayest both deliver them from all their sins, and make them to be partakers of Thy redemption. Amen.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine on them. Amen.
May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Traditionalists vs. Neo-Conservatives

Fr. Ripperger:

"Liturgically, traditionalists judge the Novus Ordo in light of the Mass of Pius V and the neo-conservatives judge the Tridentine Mass, as it is called, in light of the Novus Ordo(47). This comes from the Hegelianism which holds that the past is always understood in light of the present, i.e. the thesis and antithesis are understood in light of their synthesis. This leads to a mentality that newer is always better, because the synthesis is better than either the thesis or the antithesis taken alone. Being affected by this, the neo-conservatives often assume or are incapable of imagining that the current discipline of the Church may not be as good as the prior discipline. There is a mentality today which holds that 'because it is present (Hegelianism), because it comes from us (immanentism), it is necessarily better.'"

http://www.christianorder.com/features/features_2001/features_mar01.html


More on the Hegel effect can be found in this enlightening talk.

Philippine Madrigal Singers at Abbey of Mont Saint Michel

Problem with Self

Fr. Chad Ripperger on the Influence of Music

Everything Leaks

If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it’s not so bad.